Does Anyone Care About JLo (Or, For That Matter, Marc Anthony?)



If JLo croons but there is no one buying the CD then did she really sing at all? And how can you be sure? Shall we conversate on that semantic?

El Cantante -- and these words must be pronounced with muy gusto --the "musical biopic" that earned a 22 % Rotten Tomato rating, Tanked. Good. Cause that's real High School of the Performing Arts type shit right there, yo (Averted Gaze). The Corsair wouldn't touch that movie with Steve O's leathery and calloused wenis.

And now, it seems, so is this new album. JLo is certainly jinxy sort of chap with regards to her "projects (Exaggerated cough suggesting feigned detachment)." She's released more stinkers than William Shatner after burritos. Gigli (Pronounced: "Djee-glee")? Monster-in-Law (Pronounced: Oh, whatevs)? From Fox 411:

"Jennifer Lopez is pregnant, even though she hasn't admitted it yet. She also has a new album, called 'Brave.' Coincidence? Probably not. The only problem is, despite performing on 'Good Morning America' this week, Lopez is not selling music. The appearance should have given her a big bounce. Alas, not much as happened. 'Brave' moved from No. 110 to 56 on Amazon.com, a poor showing."

And don't even get us started on her husband, who is all Melancholy without any of the penetrating psychological observation or aestetic taste that usually attends people afflicted with that bittersweet mood.